Break (n.) – “A pause in work.” I would leave town for the first time in fifteen months and escape from a year of grief, hardship, and stress during the pandemic. It relieved me to leave everything behind for a little while.
Break (v.) – “Separate or cause to separate into pieces.” I’d never seen my foot turned the way it was after I fell down. My friends told me that what I thought was a perfect self-reduction seconds afterwards would only get it back halfway – turned outwards 45 degrees.
Break (n.) – “A gap or opening.” My lower leg left very little space for the tissues to swell, and if things got too tight, the surgeons would filet open my leg to release the pressure. They wouldn’t numb my leg that first night so they could take me to the operating room if the pain got severe. I refused most of my pain medications, electing to feel the pain so I wouldn’t lose my leg. I survived the night, and despite the searing discomfort, I was grateful to be spared a fasciotomy.
Break (v.) – “Interrupt a sequence or course.” I would demand that my accompanying friends enjoy their time like nothing had happened to me. I was grateful for every picture that reached my phone and carried me from my hospital bed to the French Quarter.
Break (n.) – “An opportunity or chance.” My colleagues at work immediately covered my shifts for three months. I’d make a list on my flight the day after surgery – “Use this time to become your best.” Fear was the driver: If I lay in bed without a plan, the days will pass, my mind will rot, my body will follow, and my spirit will never return. I made my eight rules to follow every morning in the same sequence: Journal, learn something, drink water, meditate, write, spiritual reading, exercise, and only then check email. A month later I’d add my daily Spanish lesson to the list. Six months later, I still follow that sequence daily, and my spirit has never been stronger.
Break (v.) – “Crush the emotional strength, spirit, or resistance of.” Not this time. I used this time as a period of physical, spiritual, and emotional growth. And despite the pain, despite the interruptions, despite the different way I have to do everything now, I am grateful for this break.
